I was tired of my parents comparing my brother with me. I can understand he is not as good as I am in school but he has his own talent. He likes to play guitar. He enjoys hours and hours of playing in his room. My Dad thinks he cannot build his carrier by just playing guitar. He wants him to go abroad like Anup. Anup is my uncles’ son who is studying in USA, and Mom agrees with my Dad.
But I know how much Barun loves guitar. He can imagine rest of his life playing guitar and I support him. After all it’s his life and he need to do what he is interested in. Barun hardly passed his high school now he wants to join music institute. My dad clearly said he is not supporting him unless he studies something good. Something good for my dad is doctor, engineer or pilot. I can feel that fear on Barun eyes; he wants to speak up something for him but couldn’t. I tried to talk with Mom about it but she does not want to listen to me.
Barun had no other choice than joining BBA in order to make my parents happy. It was his first semester and his first yr exam was coming near so he asked dad for money to join tuition class. A day after that he came to my room and said, he joined the guitar class form the money dad gave him for tuition.
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Just one week left for Barun to complete him guitar class but the result was out for his first semester and my parents’ found out he did not even went to give the test. There was a big argument between Barun and my Dad. For the first time Barun speak up for himself. My Dad asked him to leave the house. I and Mom were crying and trying to stop Dad but couldn’t. Barun left, I ran up to gate to stop him. He said, “Rupa, in my life, for the first time I speak up for myself, and I did that to fulfill my dream. I might not be a big person in future but I am happy that I am going to do what I love to do”. I asked him where he will go, He said, he doesn’t know but he will figure out something.
I cried for the whole day, hoping him to come home in the night but he did not. My Dad said” Barun is dead for him and its better if we also forget him”. Next day I went to his class to check on him. He said he stayed at his friends’ house last night, he is going to stay there for like one week and after that he is going to Pokhara to play guitar for one of the band. I gave him some money that I had which was not enough but still something is better than nothing. I took promise from him to call me time to time and he agreed.
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It was more than one month that Barun was in Pokhara playing guitar for the band. He used to call me every other day. The money he makes was not good but was enough to survive. He was happy for what he was doing. In house, Mom misses him a lot but could not say anything with Dad. And about Dad, I have no idea whether he misses him or not.
One night I got a call, it was Baruns’ number. When I picked up, it was not him; it was one of his friends. He said Barun is in hospital; He had an accident yesterday and has been brought to Kathmandu for treatment. I hung up the phone and ran to my parents and mom started crying and dad was shocked. We went to hospital right away where he was admitted. After going there from his friend we found out that he had a bike accident.
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It’s been one month that Barun is back from the hospital. Nobody has said a word. Mom always cry whenever she saw him, Dad is quite and so am I. I was just trying to be strong for Mom and Barun. I don’t want Barun to lose hope.
One day we all were sitting in the living room watching news, and Barun came and sat with us for the first time after coming from hospital. He said. Dad “I want to join the guitar class again, will you lend me some money” We all were surprise after all this happen. He still wants to play guitar. But my Dads’ immediate reaction was, “Are you out of your mind, after all this” Barun replied,” I have decided I will join the class and will learn to play guitar with my left hand”.
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Yes Barun lost his right arm from that accident. Again after such a long time there comes argument between dad and Barun. This time this was not a small one, it was a huge argument Dad got so mad, he went into his room and took his guitar and other musical instrument and threw out of window. And he said” If you want to live in this house you have to do what I asked you to do, that’s it…. no more argument”. Mom cried and said, “Barun please listen to your Dad, I do not want you to leave this house one more time”. I have no idea what to say, although I want to support him. I just told him to give some time to Dad. He replied, “Rupa I cannot imagine my life without playing guitar”. I have to play guitar in order to survive.
He left the room, after saying that. Next morning I work up and as always I made tea and went to Baruns’ room. It was locked. After accident he never used to lock the room. I was scared I knocked the door so many times but he did not open. Mom and Dad also came and knocked the door so hard but still he did not open. Finally Dad had to break the door. All we see is Barun hanging on the ceiling.
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