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 Rules of Bollywood Movie

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Posted on 12-11-07 2:12 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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  1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

  2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b ) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

  3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

  4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

  5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend ( i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

  6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

  7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never a) miss b ) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

  8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b ) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

  9. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by a) the brothers b ) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax) c) the family dog/cat.

  10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories: a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles. b ) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero. c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.


 
Posted on 12-11-07 2:55 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hahah Nice one Newton.

Some more to add:

The 2 heros (brothers) are separated at a mela and when they grow up, they find that they are brothers right before the climax when they're fighting and one gets his sleeves torn off and lo and behold, its a trishul tattoo.  The hero who was mercilessly beating his brother now stops and in a violin music filled backgroud reveals his own tattoo.  Both brothers hug and now turn towards the villian screaming, "Kaminay..."

When raping his victim, the villian always tears the sleeves off the heroine/hero's sister's choli or salwar leaving red streaks on her arms (supposed to be the villain's clawings).  The rape scene: He forces himself on top of her and fully clothed he showers closed lip kisses on her cheek/forehead and as the struggle continues, the scene metaphorically moves to a struggle between a python and a chicken where the chicken is ultimately consumed by the python.

However, when the hero and heroine do it, they show the rolling around and the back of the guy/girls head and then the camera spans towards the tangling of the feet and then the sun rises the next morning with a sitar strum in the background.

When a hero/hero's friend gets shot, he vigorously fights till the end which is often a tear-jerker...Atleast 5 bullets are needed to take him down.  But when any of the villian's cronies are shot a single bullet, they give one loud scream/squeal to their death.

Finally, green lush grasslands and atleast 5 changes in clothing is required for every song.  And if the hero plays a guitar, his hands with all fingers glued together move back and forth the guitar neck (as if to signify that its being played in tune along with the song).

 

 

 

 


 
Posted on 12-11-07 3:03 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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cut the craps.. just one rule:

the begining half, hero chase heroine

the end half, hero chase villian.


 
Posted on 12-11-07 8:23 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hahahah.

when a hero and heroine are about to kiss, they show 2 flowers.


 
Posted on 12-11-07 1:21 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hahahah. nice addition guys
 
Posted on 12-11-07 3:45 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Now here are some common dialogue in specfic situation

1.whenever hero wanna take heroine for date, he would ask " aaj shaam ko to tum kya kar rahi yo?"

2.whenever hero says Maa to some old lady, she would fall into tears and emotion spill her eyes, and says '' Tum ne mujhe maa kahan"

3. When villain try to rape herione, heroine begged " Bhagwan ke liye muchhe chhod de" and the ommon reply from villain would be "aghar bhagwan ke liye tuchhe chhod du to main kya karoonga"

 


 
Posted on 12-11-07 11:07 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 12-11-07 11:19 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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haha... nice one
 
Posted on 12-11-07 11:26 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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While you post a copy-paste article, please indicate doing so.
 
Posted on 12-11-07 11:31 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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You read the title of the movies, you know the whole story without even seeing the actual movie, you watch it and turns out your prediction was 99.9% right.

 


 
Posted on 12-11-07 11:50 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here are some Scenes common in most of the movies
1. Villain will abduct hero's Ma, Bahen, and heroine and take them to his adda, where they are tied upon some kind of machine which villain controls by a remote which on pressing long Nails will come from either side or the floor opens where there is pool of boiling Acid.
2. When hero is fighting villain's son will held captive heroine on gun point and hero stops, than the villain will start to laugh and say. Syabass, beta.... and he will say some more dialogs and from behind Hero's friend or brother will come and put gun on villain and the story turns around again.

In Mithun's Movies. Whenever some girl is about to be raped by villains no matter where mithun always shows up. 

 
Posted on 12-12-07 2:12 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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shit this nigga got time to describe all the shitty bolly steps hah.. must b a big fan or proly a dhoti
 
Posted on 12-12-07 10:16 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here is one more...its similar to Newtin123’s first...judwaa bhai ki kahani...its somewhat different though....

Imagine a situation.....imagine that Krishna Pahadi and Rajnikant were twin but (I find them identical so i presumed they were judwaa)....so what would have been the scene if there was Krishna Pahadi finally reuniting with his mother in Madras....like in one hindi film

 

 

मा: आजसे २५ साल पहेले जब हम जुहुसे शोले देखके बान्द्रा  जारहे थे....उसदिन बाजुवाला गोर्खा भि साथ गया था...आधे रस्तेमे भन्क्यर बारीस हुई...बाढ आई....रजनी मेरेसाथ चिपक गया...पर तु...फिर फिर हम सब अलग अलग हो गए..............(sobbing)...............................

उसिसाल....तेरे पिताजी च्अल बसे ...और मै अकेले बम्बैमे क्या कर्ती.....रजनी भि छोटा था....फिर मै माएके मद्रास चली आयी............बादमे मालुम हुवा तुझे गोर्खा काठमाडौं ले गया



 
Posted on 12-12-07 10:18 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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.

Krishna Pahadi in black coat Rajanikant in white kurta

(Its completely imagined and with no intention to offend anybody...based on what one typical hindi movie used to offer mostly)

Last edited: 12-Dec-07 10:19 AM


 
Posted on 12-12-07 10:57 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Two heroes fall in love with one heroine. The movie almost always begins with a college scene.  The first one to propose to the heroine is always the one who is academically inferior to the other. The two heroes become best buddies. First two thirds of the movie passes by with some songs and some confrontations with gunda in college. There is at least one group song/dance with all the college students.  In the remaining one third of the movie, somehow the heroine finds out that other hero is in love with her too. She changes her mind and the second hero gets the girl. The first hero sacrifices his life while fighting with the gunda at the end of the movie.
 
Posted on 12-12-07 11:00 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hmm.. puntedamai..good good
 
Posted on 12-12-07 11:20 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here are some dialogues in my observation that have been reiterated in different movies suited for different scenes ::::

1) "main duniya ko aag laga dunga" (usually by the hero when he's drunk and heartbroken)

2) "Aajtak tum bolte rahe, aur hum sunte rahe, aaj hum bolenge aur tum sunoge" (usually between parents and children or thakur and his old acquaintance:)

3) "aapka daulat aapko mubarak ho" (usually when a son/daughter is leaving home for his/her lover)

4) "nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" (u've heard this one right?)

5) "Aaajtak maine tujhse kuch nai maga, aaj pehli baar mag raaha/raahi hu" ( The thunders strike, the bells jingle, and a flower lands on his/her palm meaning the wish has been granted........on rare occasions, the statue of the god itself takes a human form to fulfill the job on hand :) and finally

6) "kutte !! main teri khoon pi jaunga" (This is strictly Dharmendra's code and i hear there are no stray dogs in bollywood surroundings ;)) sorry, have a very rusty hindi :)
Last edited: 12-Dec-07 11:24 AM

 
Posted on 12-12-07 11:25 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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they dont have the types of movies anymore in bollywood, they're good.

 
Posted on 12-12-07 12:49 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here goes one more dialogue

When heroine find out that hero sacrifice everything for good cause, the common dialogue would be "pahele main tumhe pyar karti thi, aaj se puja karungi'

 


 
Posted on 12-12-07 12:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Good one Prem Chopda.
 



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