I am curious to know how you feel at the time when you are having sex?I have promised to remain virgin before I will marry to my Mr.Right..is not it good? because of the some rumors that nepalese girls(not married women) living in the United States are kind'a sluts..I would like to prove that still there are some virgins outta here...soundz cool?

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It is upto...
V irgin is best gift to Nepali Husband and most Nepali guys remain virgin before their marriage...Therefore, nepali guys prefer unmarried women to get marry.However, in western do not care married or unmarried. They know western girls pretty much lost their virgin when they are in high school. I recommend you to save virgin for Nepali Husband.

San Dai, I was testing whether HTML codes work in Sajha, becuase I have to highlight something. It brought something disaster. I am responsible for that, I am so sorry.

Can anybody suggest, how this problem be fixed? Appreciation in Advance!

Thanks,
Vishontar

Sorry guys, I was testing whether sajha takes HTML codes work.
What happened to Nep Nepal's posting????.

I have few more days (less than a week) to leave Sajha for quite a while. So, I want to finish what I want to say ASAP. Before that I must appreciate each and evey single comment, pro or against, they are quite helpful.

I encourage you to read my postings, they might be helpful in your life. Don't give importance to me, give importance to what I have posted. You are quite smart; test whether my postings are rational, result oriented, pragmatic and scientific. If you find them so, then accept them, otherwise reject them. I have posted for welfare of readers, hope my wish will get materialized :).

Stalker Jee, I have posted for you :). Read my upcoming postings too :). Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your wisdom, I am honored from your few words. I won't take your appreciation for me, I will take it for the truth I have posted. Always follow the righteous way, happiness will follow you. Truth is beyond the space and time.

Bangali Ji, we are resonating, arn't we? Nice evaluation of truth :).

I will cover Almarirah Ji's ponints on my concluding posting.

Next I will write What the Buddha's teaching is,and what the state of pleasure and happiness is in this school.

Contd.......

Sounds I am fine, there is something problem with Neo Nepal's posting.

I don't know ?????

Still testing, to make sure everything is fine.

Siddartha was a mighty prince. He had all means of pleasure of the time, despite that he was not happy. One day he left the palace and all of his belongings in search of happiness. He went to अलार कालाम, a highly reached Yogi of the time, and learned seven absorption Samadhis (साप्त समाधी, सत्त समापत्ति, सात ध्यान).

What is Samadhi?

Samadhi is continious concentration of a mind at a point. There are three types of Samadhis.

1. क्षणिक समाधि (momentary concentration)
2. उपचार समाधि ( Developing concentration)
3. अर्पणा समाधि (Developed or surrendered concentration)

1. Yogi starts with momentary concentration, क्षणिक समाधि. He tries to foucus his mind at a pint, but the mind runs away. Again he brings the mind back to the point of concentration, again it slips away. Since the mind stays for few moments (क्षण) at the point of concentration, it is called momentary concentration (क्षणिक समाधि).

Do you know what makes the mind to slip away?

Abortion for unpleasent (द्वेष, अकुशल) and craving for pleasent (राग)! These are the two things that make mind to run away. In another word, while focusing yogi either remember something pleasent or something annoying, which diverts his attention. In Yogic terminology, Abortion for unpleasent (द्वेष, अकुशल) and craving for pleasent (राग) are known as निवरण, which means curtain for reality. Point of concentration is the truth, and the Yogi try to see it, but abortion and craving block him to see. So they are called curtain, the truth blockers. अझै पनि हाम्रो समाजमा मान्छेहरु भन्ने गर्छन-राग द्वेष गर्नु हुदैन। तर भन्ने लाई थाहा नहुन सक्छ उसले कति गहन शब्द बोलिरहेछ।

2. While Yogi diligently try to focus at the point of concentration, abortion and craving keep on diminishing, and finally he could manage to hold his mind at the point for few minutes to few hours continuously. Since the concentration is developing, it is called developing concentration, उपचार समाधि।

3. When उपचार समाधि get developed, the mind completely surrender to the point of concentration. That's why it is called अर्पणा समाधि. अर्पण = Surrender. At this stage, mind will stay at the point of concentration as long as the Yogi wants. No thought will interfere and break the concentration.

After अर्पणा, the concentrations are counted from first to eighth with the successive increasement of their subtality. I will write on the properties of first absorption Samadhi (प्रथम ध्यान) in my next posting.

From the quality of the first absorption Samadhi, you will be able to differenciate the pleasure and happiness.

I agree with Bhangli. Besides think of it from a "fun and pleasure point of view". People who have sex before marriage will take their "suhaagraat" as just another "gettin laid" session.
For those who wait for 25-26 years before they finally do have sex with their rightful beloved partner after marriage THINK OF THE HORMONAL RIVER FLOWING IN THEM AT NUPTIAL NIGHT!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so think, do you wanna wait longer and have the best SEX EVERRRRRRRRR for EVERRRRRRRR
or get laid early and have a "just another" sex life.

vishontar,
just to mention that
Samadhi is now added to english language
so u can say samadhi in english as well
-----------posts are good but have u lived up to ur own postings as well?- have u ever had the feeling of samadhi?
i'm not talking about "Nirvikalpa samadhi", even a "savikalpa" will work...

nice point Timetraveller, but most people don't have patience during the teenage and early 20's. If one is untouched till their early-mid 20's, normally, they wait till marriage.
its the कुकुरे वैँश that acts as the CULPRIT ;-)

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Vish...
Your posting is so true. I never read Gita and never thought about Buddha.
Now, I am thinking reading Gita and Buddha for Knoweldge not as religious propects...

Pleasure is not only happiness in life.....true...

Neupane Ji, thanks for the imformation. Even though the Samadhi word is added in English, many people don't know what does it mean. They consider it something abstract or strange. I want people to know Samadhi simply as concentration of mind. It is nothing but ध्यान।

हामी ध्यान शब्द ब्यबहारमा प्रयोग गरिरहेका हुन्छौ। जस्तै: ध्यान दिएर पढ, ध्यान दिएर काम गर , आदि।ध्यानको अर्थ होश हो।समाधि भनेको ध्यान हो।I want readers to take the word Samadhi simply as concentration or awareness. Samadhi is nothing but continuous awareness.

Regarding me, that's a good question :). I am not a great Yogi, all I can say about me is I have walked few steps in this long path. One thing you should be assured that I am not a theoritical person, who speak out the bookish knowledge, to boost the ego.

As a Vipassana meditator, samadhi has never been my major practice. I practice Samadhi as a tool for wisdom, not to get stablished in it. Even if someone practices just Samadhi to achieve अर्पणा, its a life time job. Long term non-stop practice is required to reach to अर्पणा समाधि, which is very hard for householder like me. However, I feel I have enough experiential knowledge to give outline of the path :). I have a road map and I am already in the road :).

I will explain the 1st Samadhi (प्रथम ध्यान) only, which will differenciate pleasure and happiness. I will escape 2nd to 8th Samadhi. They are completely abstract to me, however, I know them theoritically.

Neo Nepal Ji, I salute to your wisdom my friend. May you grow in knowledge! May you grow in wisdom by reading Geeta and Buddha!

First absorption Samadhi (प्रथम ध्यान )

When Yogi starts practicing concentration, his mind doesn't want to get concentrated. It flies out mostly for pleasure and sometime for aversion. With continious effort, it slowly calms dawn and finally surrenders. This stage is called first absorption Samadhi (प्रथम ध्यान)।

This is how Yogi Defines the first Samadhi:

बिबिच्च कामेहि बिबिच्च अकुशलेहि, सबितक्कम सबिचारम्, बिबेकजम् पिति शुखम् , पथमं ध्यानम् उपसम्पज्ज बिहरति।

There remain no craving for pleasure and no aversion for displeasure. Mind is unbreakably focused, body is filled with comfort and lightness, mind is filled with joy and satisfaction. This is called First stage of meditation, or first absorption samadhi.

It it clear from the statement that to get comfort and lightness in body, and joyful state of mind, desire for pleasure should end.

The real happiness comes when desires sattled down. Buddha and Rishis encouraged for this type of happiness, which is real happiness, which will always be with you, which will never leave you, which will never decrease, and which is long lasting.

As long as the sensual pleasure is there, you won't get samadhi. Pleasure and Samadhi have relationship something like darkness and light. If one is there another can't be.

This is the reason why Yogis discouraged for practicing sensual pleasure and virginity is one of the fossil of the teaching.

What is Buddha's teaching?
Most of us have heard that Buddha taught four noble truths.
1. Suffering.
2. Cause of suffering
3. Eradication of Suffering
4. Method of eradication of the suffering.

We all know that there is suffering in life. Do we know what Buddha found as the cause of suffeing?

He said: य तृष्णा पुनर्भबिका, नन्दि राग सहगता, तत्र तत्राभिनन्दिनि -सेइयधिदं, काम तृष्णा, भबतृष्णा, बिभब तृष्णा।

The cause of suffering is the desire, which always comes with pleasure, and whereever it (desire) gets pleasure, it welcomes it, and rolls on it. Three major desires are desire for sensual pleasure, desire for better life, and desire to end the life (suicidal desire because of agony).

This is the discovery of Buddha. He discovered that the desire for pleasure is the cause of Suffering.

He wouldn't have been popular just by discovering craving/desire as the cause of suffering. He taught the way to eradicate the suffering as well.

How to eradicate suffering? He said:

तृष्णा निरोधो, दुख्ख निरोधो!

By uprooting the Desire, we can uproot the suffering.

I don't want to go in detail, there is a close chain of 12 terms which follow each other causeing the vicious cycle, which is known as the law of causality, प्रतित्य समुत्पाद।Let me be brief:

He explained that the desire get originated and developed in the six sense organs. Whenever these six sense organs touch their respective pleasent objects, pleasure arises which is followed by desire. Pleasure is always followed by desire and desire is always followed by Dukkha, ie misery or suffering.

This is not a theory given by Buddha. This is the reality of everybody's life.



So, to come out of the suffering we have to have control over desire. Since the desire arises wherever there is pleasure, we should be able to tackle the pleasure constructively. This is what his teaching is all about.

This is just opposite to what we do in our day to day life. This might look weired but this is the truth. .

Final posting on Buddha:

Since the desire of pleasure is the root cause of suffering, Buddha's teaching is for uprooting the desire. To completely uproot the desires is Nibbana, the complete liberation form Dukkha.

When Buddha first discovered this truth under the Bodhi tree, he inclined his mind not to teach it to anyone. You know why? Because the teaching is just opposite to the mundane life. He thought:

"Tendency of people is to seek the pleasure, but the path of happiness is to leave the pleasure. In this pleasure seeking world who will listen to me? Who will understand me? Who will follow me? I should better go to Himalaya and spend rest of my life in peace."

However, he was requested to teach his discovery and he found there were people whose minds were enough detached from the pleasure. Then he decleared like this:

"For those who have ears, the door of deathlessness is opened" .

It wouldn't be practicle if he said his teaching was for all. He said:

बहुजन हिताय, बहुजन सुखाय
For welfare of many, for happiness of many

He didn't say:
सर्वजन हिताय, सर्वजन सुखाय
for welfare of all, for happiness of all.

He knew the fact that the attachement to pleasure is so strong that everybody can't abandon it. His teaching is to abandon the attachement to pleasure.

contd..

Some time ago I have mentioned few words from him regarding controlling the sense organs. The last verse was not complete. Here is the complete one.

कायना संबरो साधु, साधु बाचाय सम्बरो।
मनसा संबरो साधु , साधु सब्बथ्थ सम्बरो।
सब्बथ्थ संबरो भिक्खु, सब्बदुख्ख पमुच्चति।

Good to have control over body, good to have control over speech.
Good to have control over mind, Pretty good to have control over everything.
One who has control over everything, ends the entire field of suffering.

This is the teaching of enlightened one, to have control over the sense organs. Once we get well control over these all, we can end the suffering.

How crystal clear his words are:

यं यं चजति कामानाङ, तं तं सम्पज्जते सुखं।
सब्बे ते सुखं इच्छइय, सब्बेकामे परिचजे।।

As much as you leave the desire for pleasure, that much happiness you will get.
If you want to get boundless happiness, you have to abandon all desires.

Incomparable achievement:

पथब्या सब्ब रन्जेन, सग्गेस गमने न बा।
सब्ब लोकाधि पच्चेन, सोतापति फलं बरं।।

Achievement of Sotapati is bigger than being a sole owner of the entire earth, plus being the owner of the heaven. It is greater even being the sole incharge of the universe.

Sotapati is the first of the four Nirwanic stages. It is clear from the verse that what would one get following the path discovered by the Buddha.

He left the palace to search the way to eradicate the suffering. He discovered it, walked on it and brought all of his suffering to end. He showed the path to others, and millions of people walked in it to end the suffering.

The path is opposite to what we do to end our suffering :). He clearly said:

अन्याहि लाभ उपनिशा, अन्या निब्बान गामिनि।

The path of worldly gain, profit is different and the path to end the suffering is different.

Worldly gain and profit are nothing but the means of pleasure. So he is saying the path of pleasure is differnt then the path of liberation from Dukkha.

His teaching in conclusion:

Desire for Pleasure = Dukkha
End of pleasure = End of Dukkha



Not only him, all the Yogic tradition have the same point of view.

त्यग्त्वा रागन्च, द्देषन्च ‍-गीता
Abandon pleasure and aversion.

राग द्बेष बियुक्तैस्तु -गीता
Refrain form pleasure and aversion.

यो न रिस्यति न द्देष्ठि - गीता
one who desn't crave for pleasure and iritate from displeasure.

Geeta is full of such examples. Not only Geeta but almost all of the origional literatures say the same thing. What to talk about Veda, to my great surprise I found अभेश्त also saying the similar things. Not only our tradition, but other traditions like christanity, Islam and Judaism also find the similar conclusion.


In conclusion: The entire Yogic tradition ask for abandoning pleasure for happiness.

I hope I have given you more than enough background.

Since our culture is founded on aformentioned values, we should have no wonder why sex is considered as taboo.

What do I want to say?

Some people give a lot of importance to virginity. They think virginity is something special. They proud of being virgin. Some people look for virgin spouse, they proud of having virgin spouse. From my point of view, it is not the virginity what is important, what really important is to abstain from sexual misconduct. (I will clear this point later).

Sexual misconduct is wrong not only from spritual and religious point of view but from scientific point of view as well. It is like a drug, people easily get adicted to it. Why do we want to do drug? Why do we want to drink alcohol? Durg and alcohol give us pleasure that's why we want to do them. It is not the drug and the alcohol that the people like, it is the pleasure. People get adicted to pleasure and they want it again and again. That's why they do drug and they drink alcohol.

Anything that gives us pleasure can make us adict. All the adictions have a common property that they seduce us and eventually ruin us. This is the reason why sex should be treated cautiously. Real cautiously.

Why cautiously?
How cautiously?
Is sex a biological need?
what is sexual misconduct?
What is disciplined sex?
Am I losing something since I haven't have sex?
Can sex ever be like shaking hand?

..........Tomorrow........Final :)

Contd...........

LOL!

Why are we having GITA discussion in TO BE OR NOT TO BE VIRGIN thread?

U Day Ji, that's a good comment :). Relationship between Geeta and virginity is something like a relationship between the ocean and the snow. Ocean is the source of snow, which is the fact. However, if you don't analyze properly you won't notice the link between them.

Similarly, Geeta is the origin of our culture. Geeta is the gist of Hindu and Baudha tradition. Most of the Geeta verses are the discoveries of Buddha and many other Yogis. Our culture, our tradition, our values all are origionated from the Yogic tradition.

Yogic tradition teaches us to abstain from sexual misconduct. Virginity is the extended version of that. Virginity is one of the fossils of Yogic tradition.

To mention Geeta and Buddha was necessary to write something about Virginity.

good stuff vishnotar. i read your posts and they cover some of of buddha's teachings.. i am interested in learning more about hindu philosophy. i am particularly interested in ideas of hinduism that concur with buddhist ideas, and ideas that conflict with those taught by the buddha. the latter would actually be more interesting. ya ya the buddha was exposed to muhc of hindu philosophy of the time, but i am still interested to know. would you be able to recommend a good primer on hindu philosophy. not something too heavy duty, but something that covers the basics of the vedas, and the like...thanks in advance. oh yea, can you also recommend a good english translation of the gita....i dont want something that is somebody's interpretation, though.....

F*** being a virgin.............

r u crazy??????????????????

mr/ms right will never come along. u gotta make the best of who u have..............

peace......

Is sex a biological need?

This could be a good question for Biologists. However, let me try to answer it with some logics.

Of course not! Sex is not a biological need like food, water and air. People can survive without sex; can even live a better life without it. It is psychological need. Your sexual need depends on the environment you live in, culture you grow in, and the philosophy you believe in. It is something you enjoy, but you don't need to survive. It is like an alcohol; when you drink you enjoy it. If you don't drink you are not missing anything.

However, survey have proved that the umarried people have short life span than the married people. I have a valid reason to believe on this survey. Most of the unmarried people do more sexual misconduct than the married ones. They have sex on their mind, they practice unnatural sex, they practice self sex and so on so forth. They don't follow the real celibacy, which is completely abstaining from sexual activities.

It can be a natural need instead; nature can not go on without the reproduction, but can not be a biological need.